Parenting, just like life, goes through phases. We went through the "how many kids are we going to have" phase when we got married, although we had no idea what we were really talking about. We went through the "Jessica was a crazy person who loves routine and had Owen on such a strict schedule as a baby" phase. Then, we went through the "we had Brady who did nothing the books said to do and was not an easy baby at all so he made me a more relaxed mom" phase. Now, we're trying to figure out parenting three kids, with different ages, needs, personalities, all while trying to maintain a loving marriage and other relationships with family and friends.
Don't get me wrong, I still thrive on routine and schedules. I think being a mom of 3 kids, I have to be that way. But, now if there are days where someone misses a nap, goes to bed too late for whatever reason, or wakes up too early, I don't sweat it. I've calmed down and become more comfortable in my own skin as a person and as a mom.
I think back to when I was a music teacher. I went through so much training to prepare me, but it wasn't until I got into my own classroom that I really figured out what I was doing. Honestly, I felt the most comfortable after about 4 years. Now, I've been a mom for 6 years and feel like it's the same type of thing. Just like in teaching, where every student has different needs, the same thing is true for motherhood. Even though I have been a parent for 6 years, I have had some new curve balls thrown at me.
Owen has always been such a unique little person. When he was a baby, he would concentrate on one toy for such a long time and was content with being by himself at times in his room. He was not a big smiler or giggler and was actually a pretty serious baby. He didn't like to look us directly in the eyes either. When he became a toddler, we would comment about how stubborn he was. He would at times take several times to respond when he heard his name. He also seemed to sleep a lot more than other kids his age and always seemed to be really tired. He hated being messy at all and at times would cry about it until we wiped his hands. We also noticed other moments where he would be extra sensitive about things that shouldn't be that big of a deal. He was sensitive to certain things he touched, like grass. But, we also knew he was 2 so he could also have been just asserting his independence.
Then, as he started getting a little bit older, we started noticing a few other things. Since he is our first, we had nothing to compare him to. We didn't really see the differences between him and other kids his age until he started preschool at the age of 3. When I would get to school to pick him up, he would be wandering around the classroom as the other kids were in their seats waiting for their moms or running out the door to greet them. He would never have his jacket or backpack ready to go and I would have to go in there to help him every time. He would learn something new and would forget the things he had already learned. He would forget how to write his name, although he had known how to for a while. He wouldn't use color in any of his paintings or coloring sheets and only wanted to use pencil or black. If we hugged him, he would sometimes let us and sometimes would flinch or pull away. He would tell me the tags on his shirts were itchy and I would cut them off for him. He would always tell us his food was too hot, although we knew it wasn't. There was one time he put on a performance, and he didn't see his Mawmaw and pawpaw before the performance started, so he stood there and stared the whole time instead of singing or holding up his sign. At the Thanksgiving pow-wow, I could tell he was overwhelmed and didn't want to participate and just started crying while the other kids were running around. There are so many other things I remember looking back now, but once again just chalked it up to his unique God given personality.
He had the same preschool teacher for Pre K3 and Pre K4 so we had several conversations about Owen. She briefly mentioned one time about her wondering if he could possibly be on the autism spectrum, but we decided to let him start kindergarten and see what happens when he is in school all day every day. I could tell he frustrated her and I felt bad sometimes about the amount of attention she spent trying to get him to follow directions and to transition from one center to the next. It is easy to feel mom guilt a lot about so many things, but this especially was hard for me. I remember wondering why he couldn't just get it together and kept telling myself that he's a boy and just needs to mature a little bit.
Then, he started kindergarten. He had been in school for 2 months when I sat in his first parent teacher conference. I remember Mrs. White telling me all of his strengths and how smart he was, but she then started getting serious. She said she wanted approval for getting him tested for language processing disorder. I agreed after listening to her explain why she thought he needed testing for this, and then I asked her if we could do testing for Autism and ADHD also. She said she didn't see these things in him, but after a chain of emails and phone calls between myself, the assistant principal, and the school psychomestrist, they agreed that we should proceed.
I have always said that those years of babysitting, teaching kids in a school setting or in private lessons, and being a camp counselor, prepared me for being a mom. But, I don't think anything really prepeares you for having major parenting curveballs thrown at you. I don't know if it was my mothers intuition, the Holy Spirit, the educator in me, or just knowing my child that requested he get further testing, but I'm glad I listened to myself and pushed for it.
So, the school psychomestrist, special education specialist, and the language pathologist spent 5 months testing him, doing observations of him in various settings at school, having me and his teacher fill out evaluations, and retesting him. Then, they came to the conclusion that our precious boy has autism. If you meet Owen, you would have no idea. High functioning autism is not as obivious to people because the signs aren't as obvious. The ADD signs and language processing disorder are a part of the diagnosis too. Basically, autism encompasses all of these things.
Grant and I sat in that 3.5 hour meeting listening, processing, being shown work samples, and asking questions. We were told what the areas he struggles in are and how to best get our little boy the help he needs. He is now in language therapy twice a week and goes to special education every day for math and writing. This is the first time ever he has come home talking about school. I still don't get a lot out of him, but I hear snippets here or there of what story they are reading or just about his day in general.
He struggles in a lot of areas. He has difficulty with organization of written thoughts, lacks understanding of expected behavior in different situations, has limited problem solving skills, and struggles with receptive and expressive language skills and social thinking and language skills. This means he struggles with understanding others thoughts and feelings and how to respond to them. He struggles with engaging in structured and unstructured activities with his peers, participating in large or small group discussions, and establishing friendships. The thing with Owen is he is so friendly and loves to play with kids, but struggles with making deep connections and having a group of friends. He has difficulty learning new vocabulary words and how to use them, expressing his thoughts and ideas fluently, following multi step directions, and recalling details from spoken lessons of increasing length and complexity.
He struggles with staying on task and finishing his work at school. It is hard for him to go from one activity to the next because he is afraid he won't finish what he was doing if he stops or won't remember what they were doing. We are so blessed that Owen got the patient teacher he has this year and know she will recommend a patient 1st grade teacher for him also. She will spend extra time by his desk and is extremely helpful directing him through his day.
At home, Owen struggles with getting dressed. He will get easily distracted and has to reminded to put on each article of clothing. He gets really distracted at meal time and we have to remind him to stay on task. We are getting better at allowing him more time do finish a task, have recently started a chart for him to monitor how well he did each day with tasks, and are trying to be more patient with him.
Grant and I are glad we finally have a diagnosis so we know exactly what we are facing. We are slowly starting to accept this and are parenting the precious boy God gave us. God knew exactly what He was doing when He created Owen. Our smart boy will be so successful in whatever career he chooses on day. We are committed to giving him the skills he needs to be able to reach his full potential. We have two other precious boys to parent also. We have been leaning on God and His Word for our strength. God will not give us more than we can handle. We know that. We know that He handpicked us to be the parents to all three of these amazing boys and we couldn't be more grateful for that.
If I can offer any advice to other parents dealing with any type of curveball thrown at you, is to parent the child God gave you. What I mean is, don't try to change your child or wish they were someone else. It is so easy to look at other kids the same age and to compare. But, God has equipped you and you have the skills you need. If you feel overwhelmed or like you are not cut out for this parenting gig, go to the only one who is the perfect parent. He loves us so much and loves to call us his children.
God has taught me that I can't control every area of my life. I am such a planner and like i said, I thrive on routine. This situation has taught me that there will be things in life, whether it was my heart change to be a stay at home mom, my heart change to have one more baby, food allergies, ectopic pregnancy, moving to Arkansas while pregnant with Brady, or this situation with Owen, that are out of my control. I need to leave room in my life to let God help me. I notice when I give my worries, fears, uncertainties, doubts, and struggles to Him, He is faithful. After all, why wouldn't I trust the one who knows mine and my families futures before I do?
