When we decided to get pregnant with Owen, I knew I wanted to be a working mom. I loved my job and was using my degree and I was convinced I could do it all. So I did. He went to an amazing home daycare and I went to teach music. When Owen was right around a year old, I started to have a heart change. God totally changed my perspective and I knew I was ready to find a way so I could stay at home with Owen.
So, after deciding to stay home, I found out my school I had been at for 6 1/2 years was closing, Grant got a job at Walmart IT in Arkansas, and we found out we were pregnant with Brady. So this was definitely confirmation to me that when one door closes (or several) another will open. This was also confirmation to me that I was feeling led by God and was seeing that He had a plan all along. He definitely was ordering our steps.
But once again, I thought when Brady's at a good enough age, I will go back to work. I started struggling with the whole "I can be a working mom" idea again. But God reminded me of all of Brady's food allergies and I feel so much more comfortable at this time in his life knowing he is in my care.
Fast forward to a month ago...I had been looking at job postings, updated my resume, had enrolled to take a class so I could get certified in Arkansas, and then God stopped me. I all of a sudden became content in my job "just" being a mom. I became ok with the idea that I can still use my musical gifts on the side, but letting the role of wife and mom take center stage right now.
Fast forward to a month ago...I had been looking at job postings, updated my resume, had enrolled to take a class so I could get certified in Arkansas, and then God stopped me. I all of a sudden became content in my job "just" being a mom. I became ok with the idea that I can still use my musical gifts on the side, but letting the role of wife and mom take center stage right now.
You see, I have had an inner conflict for so long about missing out on my career and not using my degree and feeling guilty that I was "just" a stay at home mom. I know I probably was listening to other voices asking me when I was going back to work too and that would always get me thinking about when was I? There were days I was physically present with my kids but not 100% mentally and emotionally here. I wasn't giving them all of me and was not happy in my "job". Also, my whole life I was known as a musician and that's what my dream was growing up. I knew I wanted to use my musical gifts in some capacity for my career. I was never one of those women who talked about wanting to get married and have kids. It was a desire of mine of course, but it was not a priority. So, talk about a heart change.
I don't know what it is about the title of "Stay at Home Mom" or why society looks down upon this title. If I can be honest, I was one of those women who honestly had no earthly idea what a stay at home mom did all day. I had it all wrong. Stay at home moms don't simply just stay home. There are days where we enjoy staying home all day playing and doing activities, but we also get out and do things too. For a while, I didn't know how to be a sahm and didn't know what to do all day. I felt like I was stuck somewhere between being a working mom and a sahm and didn't belong to either world. Let me be clear, I do not think there is ANYTHING wrong with being a working mom and will be a working mom again when the boys are school aged. I think everyone is free to make their own decisions for their families and no outside voices should ever make any mom feel guilty about her decision.
I now think of it like this: when you first start a new job, there is a year or two where you are learning as you go and by time that third year rolls around you feel comfortable in your position. Maybe it is because I have been staying home with my kids for 3 years now that I am starting to feel more comfortable in my skin. I am able to stay home with them to teach, take care of, guide, mold, play with, nurture, read to, and love on them. I have just never felt such a peace as I do now in this season of my life. I am enjoying my children so much. They are really becoming best friends.
I don't know what it is about the title of "Stay at Home Mom" or why society looks down upon this title. If I can be honest, I was one of those women who honestly had no earthly idea what a stay at home mom did all day. I had it all wrong. Stay at home moms don't simply just stay home. There are days where we enjoy staying home all day playing and doing activities, but we also get out and do things too. For a while, I didn't know how to be a sahm and didn't know what to do all day. I felt like I was stuck somewhere between being a working mom and a sahm and didn't belong to either world. Let me be clear, I do not think there is ANYTHING wrong with being a working mom and will be a working mom again when the boys are school aged. I think everyone is free to make their own decisions for their families and no outside voices should ever make any mom feel guilty about her decision.
I now think of it like this: when you first start a new job, there is a year or two where you are learning as you go and by time that third year rolls around you feel comfortable in your position. Maybe it is because I have been staying home with my kids for 3 years now that I am starting to feel more comfortable in my skin. I am able to stay home with them to teach, take care of, guide, mold, play with, nurture, read to, and love on them. I have just never felt such a peace as I do now in this season of my life. I am enjoying my children so much. They are really becoming best friends.
I know that my degree will never go away and that music will always be there too, but for right now I know God is wanting me to feel settled in taking care of these sweet little people that He gave me. I know listening and following His voice is the best decision I could ever make. If Jessica 5 years ago had told Jessica today that this is what I would be doing, I would have laughed at her. Isn't it funny how sometimes God has other plans for our lives that are even better than our own? I'm so glad I finally stopped to listen to Him.
Jess
Jess
